We are living longer which means there are more widows and widowers every day. According to the U.S. Census, about 40 percent of women and 13 percent of men who are 65+ and 85 percent of women and 35 percent of men 85+ are widowed.
Grief from loss can be devastating, and sometimes can be fatal if left untreated. A 2013 study by the Harvard School of Public Health found that a surviving spouse over the age of 50 has a 66 percent increased risk of dying within the first three months of the spouse’s death. Physicians often call this the “broken heart syndrome,” or stress cardiomyopathy, the result of a sudden stress like the unexpected loss of a loved one.
The surviving spouse is lonely. He or she often exhibits the core symptoms of grief which are sadness, anxiety, depression, shock, and anger. Research states that although both sexes suffer from becoming widowed, surprisingly men suffer more than women.
The surviving spouse needs time and space to grieve, but they also need to continue their day-to-day living. It is common for the surviving spouse to experience a sense of disorganization and difficulty in concentrating and getting “life” tasks done. While both were alive each spouse had a defined role, and the surviving spouse must develop new skills to perform the “life” tasks that their partner once handled. They may have also lost their caregiver.
A few months ago, one of my clients died. He and his wife were married for more than 60 years. He was in his 90s and his death was expected but that didn’t make it any easier. His wife is having a difficult time managing on her own. When alone she struggles to manage her multiple bank accounts and worries that one or more will be overdrawn. During my appointments I make sure the balances are positive and help her understand her checking account balance is fine and her other accounts that fund the checking account are working well. We have created a monthly budget to give her a guideline on expenses but also provides some comfort that she has the funds she needs to live as she always has. I interact with the family so that we are in tandem and making the best of the day-to-day situation.
What to do and who can do it
When a loved-one dies family and friends will be grieving too but they are the closest to surviving spouse and thus the most likely to be in a position to help.
There are Immediate needs. These include contacting family, friends, clergy, obtaining death certificates (5 – 10 copies), contacting legal, financial and government authorities including life insurance companies, helping to make funeral arrangements, notification to the proper authorities, delaying payment medical bills for the deceased – allowing Medicare and other insurance to catch up. Types of help they can provide themselves or via a referral are: household duties such as proving meals, washing clothes, lawn care, house cleaning, repairs, making sure all the bills are paid. During income tax time make sure their real estate, income and other taxes are paid. Making sure the Homestead Exemption continues, and more.
They can help teach the surviving spouse the skills their spouse had performed. In many cases the husband managed the finances and paid the bills – the wife will now have to learn to do these functions. The wife is likely to have cooked and managed the household, which now the husband must learn. In some cases, the surviving spouse did not drive so arrangements will need to be made for on-going transportation needs.
If you need help – get it. We at The Seniors Answer are helping her and we can you’re your family to as we specialize in assisting seniors and their families with life management issues.
