Everyone wants to “age in place.” Parents do not want to leave the home they’ve lived in for five years, 15 years, 50 years and they often do not want help of any kind. Adult children, friends and neighbors are often in a conundrum about what to do and when. They want to accommodate the senior’s wishes and often “look away” from telltale signs. And for those who live alone the problem is multiplied in that often no one is around to assist and/or suggest options.
Recently I had a client who lived alone, rarely changed clothes, often did not eat unless she was take out – which was only once a week. Her home hadn’t been cleaned in a year and there was clutter everywhere. She spent much of her day in the bathroom, but tests showed there was nothing physically wrong. She had lost touch with everyone and thus had no socialization. She passed memory tests but was repeating herself often. She was fiercely independent and adamant about not changing her lifestyle or her living situation.
How large is this problem?
According to a study by Johns Hopkins University, 25 million Americans who are aging in place rely on help from other people and/or use devices such as canes, walkers, raised toilets, shower seats to perform necessary activities daily (ADLs).
But a very large number don’t get the assistance needed. The report says that 60% of seniors with seriously compromised mobility stay inside of their homes instead of getting out. 25% said they often stayed in bed. 20% said they don’t get dressed and 28% have not gotten to the bathroom in time and have either had an accident or soiled themselves.
If seniors’ mobility is seriously compromised, they are likely not taking care of their personal hygiene, preparing and eating meals regularly, cleaning their home properly and keeping clutter at bay.
What to do
In my client’s case, the first step was to get some level of home care, of which she was adamantly opposed. I got her a medi-alert system but she refused to wear the pendant. Then she had a couple of falls. It was time. As luck would have it her home had termites so we decided she should go to a place temporarily while the house was being tented. Within a day she was eating regular meals, talking to everyone there and no longer in the bathroom all day. She was given a bath, had her hair washed and was wearing clean clothes. Temporary is turning into permanent and her life is significantly better. The process has not been easy. In the beginning she often asked about going home. Even though I’m not a family member, initially I felt guilty about this option. However, within 24 hours I knew it was the right decision. And, fortunately, she had the funds for this option.
Many seniors can live well at home. Family, friends, neighbors, housekeepers and home care along with proper “aging in place” devices and changes to the home can enable a senior to continue living there. But if there are signs of not eating, poor hygiene, constantly staying inside the home, clutter, too much dust, slippery floors or other issues, it is likely time for the senior to move. The move can be to a family or friend’s residence or a facility. The family can position the change as temporary to see how they like it. As I’ve learned from many situations, temporary nearly always results into permanently. This decision requires rational analysis which is often overcome by guilt from the senior and other family members. It is imperative to do what is in the best interest of the senior rather than what is the easiest path. All of us want the best for our seniors. We at The Seniors Answer can provide assistance in this process, both with the analysis and the resulting conversation. If you need us, call us as our initial consultation is at no charge
